Max's Random Shit

So now I stand, talking

Whenever my parents pause.

I do not care about anything,

Except numb escape.

As I stand there and pretend

To listen, I see black 

Shadows in the corners of my eyes.

The shadows slowly 

Close in, and cover all my sight.

All I see is black.

What the hell is going on?

My heart runs faster and faster

And eventually escapes me.

I fall. I hear voices screaming.

Eventually my entire body goes numb.

” I’m fine, I’m fine” I assure my parents as

My eyes roll into the back of my head.

My eyes are wide open,

But all I see is black and stars.

I feel a peace.

I escape my body.

I feel nothing, 

But thank God my life isn’t

Over

Sometime around eleven o’clock I sit on my bed and cross my legs, my back leaning against a pillow. I sit straight up and try to feel an imaginary string pulling me up to the moon. The string, starting at the base of my spine, goes up my spinal chord and goes straight up into the universe above me. I close my eyes and picture the ocean. I imagine sitting on the sand looking out into the horizon, the sunset radiating waves of happiness and peace. I breath in peace for ten seconds, and then exhale all my worries, resentments, and toxins blocking my spiritual growth. Breath in peace, breath out calm. Just for this moment, the world is at ease. Just for today, I live, I laugh, I pray. I listen to my inner God, and try to align my will with his, hers, or whatever God is. Everyone has a God shaped hole in their heart, and slowly I do my best to fill the void with love and acceptance. I review the day, and try to think about what I may do better tomorrow. We only live one day at a time. Tomorrow comes today.

At night I hit my knees and pray

To a God I can’t imagine

I want to hear what God would say

I listen but can’t hear him

I listen long, I listen deep 

But no sound comes my way

I guess before I go to sleep

Faith is why I pray

A dark room with a single light,

The light coming from my laptop like a beacon 

Or a light house leading a ship to shore.

I close my eyes and watch the colors dance in the back of

My eyelids, flashing and weaving through sight and mind.

Darting around never making any sense or following any pattern.

Swirling around like my own personal laser light show.

I used to press my fingers against my eyes and watch the

Trails in the blackness of closed eyes turn into a never ending

Tunnel, with no start and no finish until I opened my eyes.

It makes me wonder if those sights are there when I

Open my eyes and I just don’t see them.

Sight is such a gift.